The shape of life without his shadow
by Ornery Otter
Summary: In the wake of Sasuke abandoning Konoha, what remains of Team 7 must adapt to living in the village with him gone. Was meant to be a one shot
1. Chapter 1

So this is just a little character focus post Sasuke leaving the village. It was meant to be a one-shot but I ended up doing a second chapter for it. Not sure if it'll continue or not, but either way, hope you enjoy. Also I know the name is a bit lame, but if you have any suggestions, feel free to let me know _"

Adapting to a world without Sasuke in it was... hard.

So much of her life had revolved around him – for so much of her life she had built herself around him. Living now without him felt like living with a hole in her chest – made worse because he wasn't dead, he was a _traitor._

Sakura wasn't sure she could ever accept the truth, even though she had no choice but to do so.

She knew she was selfish to feel this way – Sasuke's defection had further reaches than the influence on her life, but even so it was an adjustment she was struggling to make. She was used to waking up and seeing him early every morning – whether it was because she stalked him as he left the Uchiha clan compound as an academy student, or because he was attending daily team practice with her, one way or another she spent a significant portion of her time either around him, or thinking of him.

She must be the worst sort of friend then, if she couldn't save him. Couldn't stop him. But then, she'd never truly been his friend, had she?

There had been moments of camaraderie, that much was true enough. Rare and brief though they were, she had seen them, seen those tiny smiles that he sometimes wore. She'd seen them perhaps a small handful of times over the years, when he'd accomplished something for the first time, or found himself at least somewhat content with the team that day, as they camped on the road from a mission or in the woods after training.

Naruto was determined to get him back, to get their _friend_ back, and Sakura echoed that sentiment, but was also aware that no matter how determined her remaining team mate was, finding Sasuke and bringing him back would only be one part of the battle that lay ahead. The Uchiha had committed treason by leaving the village, and village law dictated that he be punished for that – typically that punishment was death. She knew (everyone knew) that Naruto wanted to become Hokage, but it wasn't like he studied, and Sakura honestly didn't know if the blond boy was aware of what fate awaited their missing member if he did manage to bring him back.

Part of Sakura wondered if that was exactly why she wanted him to succeed, for Sasuke to come back. So he could be punished – even die, for what he had done.

It was a cruel thought to have, but one she couldn't help having, as civilians and shinobi alike eyed her in the street with mistrust and scorn. Naruto didn't seem bothered and she tried not to let it bother her either, but it did. Sasuke was well known, mostly because of his family name in truth, but either way it meant that his actions were just as well-known, and cast a dark shadow over everyone involved.

Kakashi hadn't really been around much recently – she wasn't sure if it was because he was busy because of the loss of military strength after everything that had happened recently, or if it was a choice he was making to avoid the painful memories that being with them evoked. She couldn't blame him for that (she did a little) but it didn't make it any less lonely. Naruto refused to give up on Team 7, even though they were all splitting off into different directions. If she were honest, it was a little bit uncomfortable when he went on about what they were going to do when they got Sasuke back (he got Sasuke back, because what good did Sakura ever do?). Like talking about something that was never going to happen – bittersweet, but mostly painful.

It seemed that Sasuke would forever have a strong influence over her life – whether she wanted him to or not. No matter what he did, she always seemed to be affected by it, as though she was a leaf on the wind of his existence. Even if his actions shouldn't have any impact on her life, they always had somehow. Perhaps that was why she had tried to get close to him, if only to have a say in his life which seemed to matter to her own. Yet she had been just as irrelevant to him now as she was when his family were killed or when Orochimaru had attacked. Just a leaf in the wind, with all the power and influence that entailed.

Meeting with Ino was awkward now – so awkward, even compared to how things were when their friendship went up in flames over Sasuke – just a miserable, lonely boy then, unwanting of their childish attention. Now, with the chasm of a broken friendship over a boy who had just betrayed the village, she wondered if Sasuke really did destroy everyone who came close to him, as some of the civilian children had whispered once upon a time.

Or perhaps it was not merely Sasuke at fault, but this village, for producing people like Orochimaru and not dealing with him before he could corrupt and hurt others. For all that Sakura had pride and loyalty to her village, the great traitor was a mark of severe shame that she felt the village carried – not only for producing such a twisted monster, but for not managing to take him out either. It was no wonder Sasuke left for him – the man was undeniably powerful, and still living as he was, was blatant proof that the village was weaker than him, otherwise he would be dead.

But regardless of his reasons, Sasuke was gone and had left her life a ruin behind him. It wasn't beyond salvation of course, she had her new apprenticeship with Tsunade, and while that should be a proud achievement it felt more like a cheap consolation prize. She was scorned within the village and the rare times she took a mission were uncomfortable if not outright unpleasant. Working in the hospital was little better, but at least the staff there were mostly too harried to do more than hiss a few scathing remarks from time to time. At least they accepted her presence there – Sakura knew for a fact that she'd been rejected as a team mate for several missions by shinobi uncomfortable with having her on their squad.

She honestly wondered how Anko put up with it – for surely she must have experienced a similar thing, and Sakura had heard some of those whispers rekindled in the wake of the Chuunin exam attack. Perhaps the tokujo's abrasive personality had come about in response to the village's hatred. Perhaps Sakura should see to cultivating a similar personality, a shield and sword she now found herself needing against her own village (how could it ever come to this, she loved her village, she hadn't done anything wrong, why was she being _punished?)_

There was no other choice for her but to continue forward with her life, to hope for the best and work for that goal. She'd let Sasuke take enough from her, more than enough, and it had satisfied neither her nor him (if he'd even noticed his power over her life and wasn't that even more depressing). It was time she stood for herself now (as if she had any other choice, with her team abandoning her) make something of her life, be her own woman. Perhaps now she could become someone new, someone who had worth, who had impact.

It was worth a shot. What else did she have to lose? (What other choice did she have?)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This was never actually meant to be a chaptered fic, but I literally woke up this morning with the first few lines repeating in my head, so here you are! Not sure if there will be anything more on this though. I'm trying to get back to writing a little here or there, but mostly these character POV things are what have been easiest for me. Sorry for all of you that are waiting for more of DoMI, or like, anything a bit more structured... _

Kakashi was angry. If there was one lesson he'd beat into the heads of his cute little students, it was teamwork. It was never leave a team mate behind. It was that team was family, (albeit a strange one) and they covered each other's weaknesses, both in battle and outside of it.

Perhaps he should have seen this coming, should have known that the boy's anger and impatience wouldn't give Kakashi the time he needed to get those important lessons to stick. Perhaps he'd never stood a chance no matter how much time he'd had, not with Orochimaru involved.

Kakashi felt guilty, (he always felt guilty, why change now) he'd never wanted a team, never wanted to lose a team again. His brats hadn't even made it past genin and they were being taken away from him – or left, which was even worse.

Sasuke had done far worse than abandon his team though – he'd actively tried to kill them. Such behaviour wasn't unusual for the Uchiha boy and it made Kakashi doubt not just himself for once, but the village's decision to leave that boy alone after the massacre. To his own discomfort Kakashi even thought that giving the boy to Danzo would have been a sound idea – not a stance he ever thought he'd have, but turning Sasuke into an emotionless weapon would have been better than what he was now.

From a village stand point Kakashi knew he was in the dog house for losing a valuable resource and bloodline. Not to mention the damage that Sasuke and his exfiltration team had inflicted on the shinobi sent out to retrieve him.

But for all that he blamed himself for failing again, Kakashi knew he wasn't the only one who had failed in this. Most of the village had in truth – letting the boy get away with so much, allowing him to retain his sense of entitlement within the village. To most it'd seem harmless, and typical to his clan. But allowing the boy to presume himself so superior over everyone else only emphasized how worthless they were compared to him. Not to mention the boy's disregard for anything but combat – it wasn't unusual for children to see the life of a ninja as all about flashy ninjutsu, but Sasuke had disparaged anything non-combat related. A boy from a prestigious ninja clan would have known that ninja were more than just front-line fighters, and yet it was a reality Sasuke had refused to accept.

Honestly though Kakashi didn't want to think about Sasuke's mental issues (obsession, denial, selfishness and disassociation to name a few) but the thoughts kept intruding no matter how busy he kept himself, how hard he worked. Not even summoning his pack and working (playing) with them helped.

The copy-nin had no choice but to endure his failure. The pack had helped him through it last time, (along with the Sandaime but he was dead, just another failure of Kakashi's to keep his precious people safe) and they would help him through this too.

He was out on another mission now (there always seemed to be another mission, when would he get to go home?) an assassination in Wave. It was Anbu so at least he was saved the awkwardness of seeing people's faces or having to deal with anyone who had opinions about Sasuke's defection. Anbu missions were silent, and frankly none here would try that shit on him anyway – not after his years of service to Anbu, including personally training many of the newer members.

He would have felt bad for not standing with his team against the village's stigma, if not for the fact that his team wasn't his any more – Naruto was gone, Sasuke was the cause of this whole mess in the first place. As for Sakura he just couldn't face her, but he had a list of failures with her already so he doubted she expected much from him now.

Sakura was the most well-adjusted of his team and because of that and the status of the two boys, he'd neglected her in the hopes of bringing the boys into a functional state. She was loyal already, (unlike Sasuke) had friends within the village to give her support and connections (unlike either boy) and had a skill set that quite frankly, could wait. She'd needed to work on her stamina and chakra capacity, things that took time, and she was only a civilian girl – she'd been at the bottom of the priority list. To be honest though, Kakashi hadn't wanted her on the team at all at first. She was a silly girl with no drive to get better – he hadn't known how to cope with her, with anyone who didn't want to be a ninja and work towards that goal. Even his own genin team had drive, if not competence, and that was about the limit of his experience with children.

Kakashi wondered again why he'd been given a team at all. Even the easiest member had been let down by him. And now he was too much of a coward to stand with her. Tsunade had taken over her training – the drunk Hokage could do better than he could.

Being a sensei had been an experience that Kakashi had enjoyed, but also hated. He wished it had never happened, that he didn't have these memories (even though he held on to the good ones tightly). At least now he wouldn't be asked again – as if his reputation before all this hadn't been enough, no one would trust him with anything but training Anbu now – he was very good at that, at least. He would never be given a new team, not after having taken his old one away from him (or what was left of them).

He should be relieved. So why did he feel disappointed?


End file.
